Stuck

Stuck.

I don’t know what to do.

Apparently I live in a world

of individuality and responsibility.

I can do whatever I want

but I must take responsibility

for what happens.

(Unless I’m rich or have power.)

But I have made so many past poor choices,

with such catastrophic repercussions,

that I don’t dare make another.

So should I blindly follow?

Involve myself with someone else’s ambition?

Leave my responsibility at their door

and absolve from control.

This will at least give me a purpose,

my coveted meaning.

But how long until I realise that

that meaning isn’t my own,

that I’m only borrowing it?

That then leaves me with another dreaded choice.

To rebel? On what grounds?

I have no grounds because I fear too much

making decisions of my own meaning.

And so I’m lost.

Rejecting any meaning ascribed to me

by others while fearing the

responsibility to develop my own.